Thoughts of a red cloud
by louiemoto
Summary: Stories of an akatsuki nature. Chapter 8: Deidara and Tobi at walmart, why do they even attempt? R&R, damn it. Title has been made a little less lame.
1. Deidara has a bad hair day

Mondays where always bad, but for one missing Nin it was worse then usual.

"AHHHH, un. IT'S ALL GONE."

"Relax Deidara we can get some more later."

"BUT DANNA, I NEED IT NOW."

"It's only hair gel. I'm sure you will survive. Also you can stop screaming."

"But, un"

"Don't 'but, un' me. We where suppose to leave for our mission 20 minutes ago. If you spent less time worrying about your hair and more on your missions, we would have already been able to go some where and get you, your gel."

"Fine, un."

20 minutes later Deidara walked into the main room where the Akatsuki gang where chatting about, whatever.

"Hey, Deidara"

"Hello, Kisame, un"

"Why are you wearing a Kyo hat?"

(A/N: Damn I want one)

"He's having a bad hair day."

"AHHH, Sasori Danna!"(A/N: assuming that Sasori was then the whole time --)

The Akatsuki suddenly went very quite, the gang where all staring at Deidara.

"Umm guys?"

"Deidara," Itachi spoke up. "Remove the hat."

Deidara, being totally afraid of Itachi did exactly what he told him to do. After removing his hat, the room filled with laughter.

Kisame walked over to Deidara and patted him on the back.

"Nice perm."

Deidara ran off screaming.


	2. A question gets asked

I never said anything at the beginning of my last chapter. I usually don't, I just found it slightly weird. Thank you to all the reviewers –gives cookies- I can't help it…Deidara's in this chapter too. Damn -- He'll be in them all

Don't own naruto.

----

"So Deidara," Kisame said, looking up from the newspaper he was reading. "If you where gay –mumble- Which you probably are-mumble- Who out of everyone in the Akatsuki would you bang?"

The Akatsuki when quiet as everyone stopped what they where doing.

"Kisame?"

"Hai? Itachi"

"You do realize that Deidara is not actually in the room."

----

Okay Deidara was not really in the chapter. The chapter was also really short.Read & Review, please.


	3. Deidara gets an Idea part 1

Wow thank you for all the reviews. I seem to be in some sort of writers block at the moment…--

I obviously don't own naruto because if I did I wouldn't be making fan fiction about it…

"Deidara put that down."

Sasori's yells could be heard echoing though that Akatsuki compound. The whole living in a cave thing did lose it's glamor after having to sleep in one. There was the whole leaky ceiling and wall thing not the mention that noises could echo with a censurable amount of ease.

Itachi turned over in his bed. Sparing a quick glance at the alarm clock, he moaned.

4:36 am.

'_What the hell could Deidara possible be doing at 4:36 in the morning?'_

Itachi turned over and tried to get back to sleep.

Deidara ran round Sasori's room with a rather lethal looking blade in his hand.

"DEIDARA PUT THE FRIGGEN THING DOWN BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF."

Sasori's voice echoed around the room. Deidara on the other hand couldn't care less about what his "Danna" was trying to tell him. He went on with his little parade, running around jumping off of random bits of furniture and laughing.

"Deidara," Sasori said not bothering the yell this time." You know if someone comes in here you're going to get your ass kicked."

"HA ha, un. Sasori Danna said ASS. Ass, ass, ass…un."

Deidara continued with his rampage. Sasori had given up and was now sitting on his bed making sure to duck every time that Deidara bounced by.

After a bit though Deidara got bored and decided to see what would happen if he stabbed his Sasori Danna in the arm with the blade.

'_I wonder if puppets bled, un'_

Deidara walked over to Sasori and plopped down beside him on the bed.

"Whatcha doin' Sasori Danna, un?

Sasori looked up at Deidara, Staring as though Deidara just spoke in pig Latin.

"Well, un?"

"So Deidara"

"Hai, un?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Deidara watched Sasori carefully from the corner of his eye waiting for the perfect opportunity to carry out his experiment. Sasori was blind to what Deidara was doing and had cared on with his Speech on how real ninja are suppose to act.

After about 5 minutes of talking Sasori bent down to pick up the puppet that had been abused by Deidara. Its left arm was a complete mess and its blade was missing. The blade in question of coarse was the one that Deidara had in his hand.

With Sasori's back turned Deidara felt, it was "time". Raising the blade over his head he quickly brought it down, plunging it about 3 inches in the Sasori's arm. Every thing went quiet. After about a minute of silence, Sasori turned around.

"Deidara?"

"H-hai Sasori Danna"

"You know that you're never going to leave this room alive."

Deidara edged away from Sasori. Gulping loudly he shot a glance at the door.

A bloodcurdling scream echoed about though the Akatsuki and Itachi was once again woken up.

Itachi grumbled and slowly got out of bed. Grabbing his cloak he made his was to Sasori's room…

cliff hanger XD…No really though. I've never had the time to make a two part story thingy. I bet cha just can't wait for the next part XD

R&R please


	4. Deidara gets an Idea Part 2

-- I haven't updated since August, sorry…Any who, this is the second part to a two part (or maybe more) so I would advise that you read the chapter before this first…

Shan't own…and such

XXXX

Itachi had finally made his way to Sasori's room. He put his ear up to the door and listened.

No noise.

'_Oh God…what if their…I mean Deidara does look like a girl…what if that scream was…No way…Sasori wouldn't…..would he?'_

After pushing some rather disturbing pictures out of his mind, he knocked on the door.

"Sasori…Deidara, your gay sex is keeping me up."

Getting no answer, other then a muffled scream. He decided that it was time to take another approach.

"OPEN UP THE FRIGGEN DOOR BEFORE I KILL BOTH YOU GUYS WITH THE AID OF FISH-FACE."

'Fish Face' on the other hand was still sleeping soundly in his room.

XXX

A couple of minutes later a rather abused looking Deidara walked out of Sasori's room. After brushing himself of and fixing his always perfect hair, he finally noticed Itachi.

"Itachi, un. It was terrible, I wanted to try something but Sasori Danna got angry and hurt me, un. And….and…."

Deidara started crying, loudly. This was nothing new for Deidara, as he was always crying over something. Itachi though had no idea about how to handle emotional people and was starting to freak out.

"Umm Deidara…Maybe…umm next time…you shouldn't be the Uke."

Deidara who was past the point of crying and now bordering on complete insanity had started the mumble to himself and walk away.

"Shit I got to get out of here."

XXX

Poor Itachi had no idea about what was going on. In the end though Deidara confessed that all Sasori did was beat him up and Itachi was left feeling like and idiot.

That was also Itachi talking at the end there not Deidara…

R&R please


	5. Journal Of doom

The last chapter didn't have much to do with Deidara which is kind of weird considering that he is my specialty.

By the way...I'm not a guy, I'm a girl. My names louiemoto because when I signed up on fanfiction my kitty Louie fell down the stairs and hurt his nose...

Any who...on with the story.

I don't own naruto because if I did there wouldn't be any fillers...

XXX

After all the scary ordeals that Deidara had been going though in the last couple of weeks, he decided that people suck. To get his message across to the other members, he decided to be the most annoying thing in existence. Which wasn't that hard because Deidara was usually half was up the "Annoying the Friggen' hell out of everyone" scale.

To make sure that his amazing plan of annoying the hell out of every one, worked he decided to keep a journal. So he could mark his progress.

_Dear Journal,_

_Today, un. Hidan was being mean to me, so I kicked him in the balls, un. Then he Barfed. _

More or less his journal entries went like the one above. So as you can imagine nothing significant happened that would help him in achieving his over all big master goal.

Other then that life went on as normal except for Hidan, who for some reason was the only target of abuse.

XXX

Amazing chapter right?? I know

I like that whole journal Idea...I'll have to do it again sometime.


	6. Merry christmas, bitches

Another chapter...No reviews on the last one. Though I have to thank everyone that has read this story and any of my others so far. Super special thankies to everyone who has reviewed more then once!

Cookies!

Naruto...I no own T-T

XX

"Chestnuts roasting on a...-mumble mumble mumble-...feh meh na na na na na, un."

"Deidara. Don't sing if you don't know the words. No...wait, In fact how about no singing at all. K?"

"But Leader sama,un. Where's your Christmas spirit. Don't you want Presents and a tree and a bird, un. You know the Big One...Um..."

"A turkey?"

"Hai, un. Then we can have a day off. **-**Gasp- But first we need to decorate and wrap and clean and brush and..."

The leader turned around and walked out of the room. Leaving a total oblivious Deidara to talk to himself.

X

"Guys..." The Leader said as he walked into the "main room". (Mostly consisting of a couch a little worse to wear and a tv). "Code red, Deidara's in one of his moods again."

"Like kicking me in the balls kind of mood again?" Hidan mumbled as he rubbed said body part.(Refer to chapter 5)

"No..More of a Christmas mood, again. This tends to happen every few months or so."

"Last time I think It was Halloween. He filled the whole main room with spiders." Itachi informed.

Everyone was lost in there memories of the spider filled room. Despite the casualties it was actually a pretty funny ordeal.

X

Deidara barged into the room after several more minutes of silence.

"Hey guys. I have a special surprise for you , un."

Lifting a brightly colored box above his head, he yelled.

"**Merry Christmas!!!"**

He then dumped said box over and thousands of spiders jumped out.

All wearing Little Santa hats.

XX

By the way the story takes place on todays date (February 8th ), I'm guessing that Deidara goes through these things everyone and a while.

The spiders is just a random fetish that I gave Deidara. I'm guessing that The rest of the akatsuki was rather pissed after the spiders where once again filled into the main room. I may...**may, **make another chapter regarding this ordeal. As I sometimes intertwine my chapters, not exactly in this story but others!

**BY THE WAY...email me better titles for the story...or review them whatever...thankies **

R&R, damn it.


	7. Deidara and the Gift of Brainwashing

I apologize a million times over not only have I not updated at all in 4 months but the last chapter had a evil, **evil **Typo in it. I apologize once again and next time I do something stupid like that again please feel free to Flame review me and call me a stupid idiot.   
!!!   
"you have to promise me something, un. If I die, I want you guys to plan my funeral out just like the way they have it in the My chemical romance video. You know, un? Gerard singing and the background dancers all dancing and what not. Then! When he's doing the whole whispering part I get to get up and start dancing,un. That catch is that you won't know I'm dancing because your heads will be bowed. That means that only I will know, Like a secret, un."   
"..." 

Itachi looked straight ahead. He was scared, nothing like this had ever happened to him before. He had never actually "bonded" with another person. But when Leader-sama had decided that if they where going to take over the world they would have to act more like a big happy family, and then continued to pair them off, he was kind of pushed into it.   
Of course, he got paired up with Deidara. Just his luck. Now he was sitting in a tea house miles away from any were listening to him talk about some shit ass band that probably sucked.   
"Of course, un. I also like the black Parade. I can die, un. But then I'll come back as a zombie and...more tea please, un!"   
He motioned to the girl passing there table.   
"You do know what I'm saying, right, un? I mean you do listen to MCR...un"?   
Itachi just stared blankly at him. Trying hard to control the twitching that had started in his right eye.   
"OMG YOU'VE NEVER LISTENED TO MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE, un!" Deidara eyes had grown to the size of dinner plates. "HERE TAKE MY MP3. LISTEN, un. LISTEN!!"   
Taking the Headphones and snuggly putting them in place he listened.   
Deidara watch in excitement as he passed on the virus to someone else. A flash of emotion passed over Itachi's face, then a smile.   
Another person had fallen victim to the My chemical romance bug.   
!!   
Yea, my friend is _slightly _strange and was convinced that people where brainwashed into loving MCR. I personally love them but still though that the idea was to perfect to pass over. Thus using Itachi and Deidara I have added another chapter to my fanfic with the bad name.   
R&R, damn it. 


	8. Walmart and the easy lady

I try I really do.

WW

Deidara after much pleading and begging got Sasori and Tobi to come with him to shop for cute little usless things, like bags with birds on them and candy shaped like cats.

'Tobi doesn't see the point to this. Even though it smells good Tobi is drawn to the fact that all the people eating here are very questionable. Should we be here, danna?'

The Danna in question was none other then Sasori, who seemed to be more upset over the fact that someone else is calling him Danna to the fact that the eatery that Tobi was talking about was actually the cash for walmart.

'Kakazu would be proud of us, un. We're buying things for discount. See, un.' Deidara grabed Sasori's wrist and pulled him over to where a lady was handing out free food. 'And we can also get lunch, danna. I know you don't eat alot but Tobi is a bad boy and eats alot,un. Kakuzu says that food is alot. He says that he wants to get Tobi, put-down, un. I don't know what that means.

'Deidara,' Sasori sighed, as he pulled his arm out of his reach. 'Just take Tobi and get something to eat, I'm going to the cash.'

With that Sasori quickly turned and left. Leaving Deidara standing there with a rather upset look on his face.

'Danna! Don't be a meanie, un'

Being ignored Deidara gave up and walked over to where the table of free food was. Tobi being beside it was in massive conversation with the women who was handing the food out. Every once and a while the lady would become over excited about something and grabe Tobi in a rough hug. Which he returned with extreme force.

Deidara ignoring them, started going though the random food that was on the table. Ignoring them didn't last long once Tobi came over grabing Deidaras arm, leading him over to where the lady was currently standing.

She smiled widely once she saw Deidara. 'Who is this, tobi-chan? Your Girlfriend?' She smiled once more as tobi laughed and Deidara looked as though he was ready to blow the entire store to hell.

'No you silly, lady.' Tobi said as he flung an arm over Deidara's shoulders. 'Deidara isn't a girl, he's a boy. Tobi knows this.'

With this said. Tobi smiled and left the two, to talk to an older man who walked by with dog. The lady who was happy seconds earlier now looked with daggers at deidara.

'Your not a girl?' The humor was all gone from her voice and she made a step towards him. Deidara quickly shaked his head know as he glared at her. 'I don't know what you are.'

She quickly grabbed Deidara and threw him away from where she was. 'You leave and take your mentally sick friend with you.' She motioned to Tobi and then left as she mumbled things under her breath.

Deidara was left standing there in complete shock. That quickly turned into terror and he started crying, loudly. 'DANNA, AM I A GIRL?'

Nothing really resulted from this other then looks from everybody in the store.

WW

A/n: Deidara is a boy. I like knowing these things.


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